On a warm Wednesday morning this past June, a dozen men gathered at the edge of a pond in Liberty Park in White Plains, New York, a city of 58,000 in the heart of suburban Westchester County. The men wore identical blue polo shirts and caps that said Grandpas United. The youngest of them was in his early 60s, the oldest in their 80s. Black men. White men. Most of them are retired now with that air of contentment of people enjoying life free from the stresses and demands of work. As their baseball caps proclaim, they're all grandfathers and as grandparents tend to do, they are given to bragging about the accomplishments of their grandchildren.
They could have been spending this steamy, sunny day with their families or just sleeping late or mowing the lawn. But these are active men, men who have chosen to remain involved in their community, not just occupied with their own lives and families and personal pleasures, though they've earned that. Before covid changed everything, these meetings took place every few months. The pandemic put an end to that. This would be their first in-person gathering after more than a year of virtual events. Quite understandably, it had the air of a reunion.
Jim Isenberg and friends
Frank Williams, White Plains Youth Bureau
Grandpas United started in 2018, the brainchild of Jim Isenberg, a husky 75-year-old native Californian who spent his career in the fields of juvenile justice and conflict resolution, and Frank Williams, a soft-spoken man of 68 (okay, 69 in October, as he put it), who heads the White Plains Youth Bureau, a youth service organization run by the city. They've been friends for 30 years.
Williams had recently become a grandfather again, so Isenberg was kicking around the idea of writing a book about grandfathers. But what? He did some research to try to come up with an idea.
"It just seemed to me when I Googled around, there (were stories about) grandparents (and) grandmas but nothing I could see specific to grandpas," Isenberg recalled. "I said to Frank, 'why don't we start something?' and he said, 'That's a really good idea.'"
They wanted it to be a mutual support network to bring grandfathers together for social events and symposiums, to discuss matters such as health and nutrition. But they also wanted it to more. They wanted to work with children, specifically at-risk children.
"It's been a kind of ah-hah moment, " Isenberg told me. "Here are these men, especially a diverse group of men who have something to offer. How do we tap into that?"
The newly formed Grandpas United came up with the idea of connecting with a local elementary school. They asked the principal if they could be paired with with students who came from families without a father.
"We were very specific," said Williams, "We wanted to work with young kids, young boys without a father. There's a void, an absence of fathers in the lives of these young people."
Each grandfather was linked with one third graders. They would come to school at lunch time, sit down and eat with the kids, chat, play games, become friends and, ideally, forge a relationship.
When the school year ended and the new one began, the grandpas stayed with them. It's still going on. The original group of men remain partnered with the same children, now in 5th grade.
"It lets them know there are people who care about them doing well," says Williams.
One day, Isenberg was in a supermarket. One of the children he'd been mentoring recognized him.
"This little guy comes up to me with his mother," Isenberg told me, "'Mister Jim, hey!' And I said, 'Hey, man!' He was like, 'I have a friend.'"
The local newspaper ran an article about them beneath the headline: Gramps Not Grumps. The gramps loved it. And Isenberg got an idea. He asked his son, a rapper, to write a hip hop song with the refrain "Gramps, not Grumps!
Next, Grandpas United formed a partnership with an innovative criminal justice program run by White Plains called Youth Court. Minors accused of some non-violent petty crimes, such as stealing a bicycle, have their cases diverted from the criminal justice system to a judicial proceeding in which teenagers act as prosecutors, defense lawyers, jury and judge. It's not a mock court, but a real one. If convicted, a young person is "sentenced" to community service or counseling. Grandpas United members were mentors assigned to counsel some of those kids.
"We meet for 45 minutes to an hour (every other week), talk about what he's doing, about books, how he deals with his family, just open up a little bit. How do you deal with peer pressure when friends want to do something screwy?" Isenberg said about his sessions -- held virtually during the pandemic -- with one young man.
Dean Wiltshire, 67, a retired NYPD detective and grandfather of six, says he was motivated to help young people in trouble because he was once almost one himself. As a teenager growing up in the tough South Bronx in the 1960s in a household without a father, he says he was headed down the wrong path.
"Some very terrible people for some reason just picked me out and pulled me to the side and said, 'Look, what are you doing?' You got a brain. You don't have to be like this. You have choices,’” Wiltshire said. “So when I see a young person that maybe made an error in judgment, maybe I can say something to spark them and maybe they wind up like me. Happily married for over 43 years, both children successful. I have grandchildren, I'm retired and I'm sitting here talking to you."
Out of 27 Youth Court cases referred in 2020 to a Grandpas United mentor, none has been charged with a repeat offense.
"We had a 100 percent success rate," Williams said. "Twenty-seven young people went on to lead better lives."
Isenberg said, "I think bringing this grandpas group in and linking with those kinds of diversion programs is very positive."
The grandpas in the White Plains area are drawing attention and believe what they're doing can serve a model for other communities.
In 2020, Isenberg was awarded one of 15 Gen2Gen innovation fellowships by Encore.org, which promotes intergenerational community service and supports organizations doing that work.
“Their commitment demonstrates to young people that older men are emotionally available and interested in the lives of young people, and vice versa,” said Eunice Lin Nichols, vice president of Encore.org. “The kids are interested in building relationships with older adults, too.”
The Encore.org fellowship came with a much-needed $10,000 grant to Grandpas United.
This past June, Grandpas United was cited for innovative service by Generations United, a national organization.
Says Frank Williams, “When you think of grandfathers, you think of old grouchy guys. We wanted to shift the narrative.”
Mission accomplished, gentlemen.
Jim Isenberg and Dean Wiltshire