Visiting New York City? Some tips on how to look & act like a real New Yorker

It's all about blending in by walking the walk and talking the talk - or, rather, not.)

New York,  New York

It's a wonderful town

The Bronx is up

And the Battery's down

The people ride in a hole in the ground

— On The Town, 1944 Broadway musical 

Times Square, photo credit: MC SimonE

When you travel to a new city or country, you want to see the iconic sites. Times Square in New York. Venice Beach in L.A. Piccadilly Circus in London. The Ginza in Tokyo. The Eiffel Tower in Paris.  

But we also don’t want to look like what we are: tourists. There are practical reasons for this, of course. Almost anywhere you go, there are miscreants whose vocation is preying on unsuspecting visitors. Aside from that, it’s embarrassing to play the role of gawking tourist. Most of us would prefer to blend in to the extent possible. That's especially true for visitors to New York City. They want to fit in, not stand out.

Now, I’m not a native New Yorker. But I have lived in the city for more than 30 years. Like the anthropologist Margaret Mead in the South Pacific, I have lived among them and observed their ways. I’ve become familiar with their customs, vernacular, taboos and idiosyncrasies. No doubt, I've unwittingly adopted many of them myself. So, on the basis of this experience, I would like to provide tourists visiting  New York a few tips on how not look like a tourist visiting New York.

A group of tourists — can you spot them? — being offered rental bikes by a helpful person (with headphones)

1. When going to or from the airport by taxi, if the driver asks you which way you want to go, this is not an innocent inquiry. Very likely, he or she is trying to figure out if you’re a local or not. If you say, “I don’t know,” you’re exposed and now risk being taken the long way to your destination (fortunately, if you’re going from JFK to Manhattan, it’s a flat rate fare.) A good answer to the cabbie’s question is something along the lines of “Whatever way is fastest.” Or, if you want to go full New Yorker, you might sigh loudly and say … better yet, growl impatiently, “Just get me there, okay?”

 

2. When you are walking the streets and come to an intersection, do not wait for the traffic signal to turn green. Nothing screams  "TOURIST!" as loudly standing at the corner waiting for the Walk sign to illuminate. Jaywalking is not just legal (I think it is, anyway), it is perfectly normal. If you do decide to cross against a red light, it is nevertheless a prudent idea to look to see if a car or truck or bus is barreling down on you. But if you happen to misjudge the speed of an approaching vehicle, do not run to get out of the way. It will probably stop before it hits you. More importantly, to run is to lose face. Better to continue ambling indolently and retain your dignity - even posthumously.

Jaywalking in Midtown. Only visitors wait for the green light.

3. If you pass a person sprawled out unconscious on the sidewalk or subway platform, or dressed outlandishly, or behaving in a bizarre way, do not stare. Do not stop. Do not take a photo. Keep going. Do not look back, however strong the temptation. Authentic New Yorkers are inured to such sights.

4. Don't smile at strangers. Don't look them in the eye. This kind of behavior, however amiable your intentions, can be  easily misinterpreted in all kinds of ways, most of them bad. In fact, the safest course is not to smile -- even at your companions -- and to avoid making eye contact with people you don't know.  Living in New York is a grimly serious business. Random jocularity is inappropriate. And, just as it's never a good idea to look a pit bull in the eye, it's similarly not a good idea to do so with human beings in New York. 

5. If you are approached on the street by someone asking if they can speak to you, the wisest response is no response. Ignore that person. He or she probably wants something from you and, more often than not, that something is money, not directions. And, look at it this way: you don't want to be hassled for money and if you were to be asked directions, you couldn’t give them, so really, either way, there’s no point stopping to hear what they have to say. You may feel guilty about appearing rude. Don't. In a way, you're doing them a favor by not wasting their time.

6. When you are walking somewhere, it is essential to act like you know where you're going even if you don't. This involves a brisk, determined gait. Walk in a straight line, vision fixed forward. Do not look up at the tall buildings. Do not consult a map or guidebook. If you’re truly lost, duck into somewhere you cannot be seen and then check your map, phone or travel guide. 

A New Yorker walks with focus and confidence, eyes fixed forward.

During your walk, it may also help to wear sunglasses. That way no one knows where you're looking. Sunglasses at night are perfectly acceptable. But remember: it's body language that matters most. Play the part; become the role.

West 103rd Street subway station, Manhattan.

7. Nothing says New Yorker quite like wearing a Yankees baseball cap. If absolutely necessary, a Mets cap is an acceptable alternative. Two things to keep in mind: wear the cap with the visor facing forward. The backward baseball cap look may have been cool 10-15 years ago. It is not anymore. And, if at all possible, buy your cap weeks before you come to New York and break it in. For maximum authenticity, it should be beaten and worn, the more faded and sweat-stained, the better. Wearing a crisp new baseball cap defeats the whole purpose. 

8. If you are taking the subway, don't speak unless absolutely necessary. If you must speak, do so in a hushed tone. Sotto voce. For reasons I have never figured out, talking at a normal volume. is frowned upon as inappropriate behavior. Paradoxically, if you are very drunk in a group and shouting loudly, no one will pay any attention to you. Probably out of fear.” But if you are sober on the train and want to fit in, do what everyone else does: look at your cell phone.

  Subway riders on their cell phones

9. If you are a man, do not carry a male purse (also known derisively as a "murse") unless it is your intention to announce to the world that you are a German tourist.

10. Do not take pictures of squirrels, pigeons or rats. Just don't.